Zippygirl

Running for Boston
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Frustrated

Tag: 2006, Body Image, Injuries
Oct 25th, 2006

I’m so frustrated.

Last week, I had two good runs.  One was a hilly run of about half an hour.  The other was on a track– I wanted to see whether I could run a mile without stopping and how long it would take me.  (Yes, 11 minutes.)  Then, my hip started to hurt.  My good hip (the left one.)  So I haven’t been able to run since– I can barely walk without pain.  I’m so tired of getting hurt any time I make any kind of progress whatsoever.  Considering I’ve been running since April and have been working up slowly, I definitely don’t think it’s too much too soon.
Then, my weight today was 5 kilos higher than yesterday.  I don’t even know how that could be possible, but my scale is usually dead accurate.  My jeans are tighter too.

I’m also frustrated because I can’t break my addictive behavior.  Whenever I manage to successfully break an unhealthy addiction, I immediately replace it with another.  I quit pop, but started drinking soy lattes.  Quit candy, but doubled up on coffee.  Why am I so self-destructive?

When am I going to get it together?

Plus, today, I saw pictures of myself.  I HATE seeing myself in pictures.  Why does seeing myself in pictures and mirrors make me want to cry?  How can I learn to take care of myself and love myself when I make myself sick?

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