I’m so frustrated.
Last week, I had two good runs.Â One was a hilly run of about half an hour.Â The other was on a track– I wanted to see whether I could run a mile without stopping and how long it would take me.Â (Yes, 11 minutes.)Â Then, my hip started to hurt.Â My good hip (the left one.)Â So I haven’t been able to run since– I can barely walk without pain.Â I’m so tired of getting hurt any time I make any kind of progress whatsoever.Â Considering I’ve been running since April and have been working up slowly, I definitely don’t think it’s too much too soon.
Then, my weight today was 5 kilos higher than yesterday.Â I don’t even know how that could be possible, but my scale is usually dead accurate.Â My jeans are tighter too.
I’m also frustrated because I can’t break my addictive behavior.Â Whenever I manage to successfully break an unhealthy addiction, I immediately replace it with another.Â I quit pop, but started drinking soy lattes.Â Quit candy, but doubled up on coffee.Â Why am I so self-destructive?
When am I going to get it together?
Plus, today, I saw pictures of myself.Â I HATE seeing myself in pictures.Â Why does seeing myself in pictures and mirrors make me want to cry?Â How can I learn to take care of myself and love myself when I make myself sick?