I’m still maintaining 172 pounds, size 14. I’m not really thinking about it too much, or worrying about my weight. I’m still thrilled not to still be 200 pounds. I was reading Self(ish) yesterday when I got to an article about a woman who went from 300 pounds to 170. The author felt the need to point out that 170 is “still heavy” and it just irked me. While 170 is indeed heavy for someone who is 5’4″ (my height, as well as the height of the woman in the article), it’s a darn sight better to be 25 pounds overweight than it is to be 155 pounds overweight and it’s just unhelpful and possibly destructive to put in a snarky little comment to show the woman (and me, and every other 5’4″, 170-pound woman) that we just won’t be good enough. Heck, when I was 140, I still faced and heard snarky little comments about my weight. Where do you think these destructive eating habits come from? If even at a healthy weight, you get harassed about being too fat, what are you supposed to think?
So I generally ignore those messages any more. I try to ignore society’s messages about how I should feel bad about myself. I know now that even if I had lost 20 pounds when I was 140, I still would have been too fat for someone. And frankly, I don’t long to weigh any less than 120, ever. At this point, the low end of my goal range is 125. (The high end is 145. The ultimate goal… I’ll know when I get there.)
I’m not trying to be mean, and I debated about even posting this, but I watched that Posh Spice “reality show” the other day and found it a little painful. I just don’t think it’s hott to have to carefully lower yourself into a seat because your bones will hurt if you drop down too quickly. My beloved dog is that thin and I worry about her constantly (she’s 14.) Yet Posh thinks she’s the hottest thing ever. I resist allowing disordered eaters and body dysmorphics to decide what I should look like.
I’ve definitely gotten to where it’s about health and performance, not looks.