Another Wednesday practice. This one was geared toward getting the bouting girls ready for this weekend’s bout. A few of us newer girls worked with them. The most fun I had was when I was playing jammer and trying to find a hole. (It was hit-free, since some of us are very inexperienced.) I LOVED it! I still get thrown off by whistles– sometimes when we are practicing, we do the whole jam as if it’s a jam and sometimes we run it as training (so track cuts are okay) and the rules change often and in the middle of the practice.
I have a hard time with team sports. I haven’t played team sports since baseball in 5th grade (I played from kindergarten up, but never understood the rules and never got very good.) I always feel like I’m the weak link and I take everything personally. I also cry. A lot. And pout, sulk, etc. It’s not pretty, it’s not nice, and I’m trying to improve, but inconsistency gets me going every time. I do not like to be expected to be a mind reader. If someone set something up a certain way last time, I will expect it to be that way this time, unless I’m told otherwise. I do not like to be yelled at (sorry, corrected) for doing it wrong. Getting corrected for not being a mind-reader brings out the worst in me. You’d think I’d be okay with it, after being in the military, where they are experts at messing with your mind, but instead, I’m much less tolerant. If I’m going to have to do push-ups for breaking your rules, you should tell me what those rules are. If I’m supposed to always be standing in spot A, don’t yell at me because this time you’ve decided we’re all supposed to be sitting in spot B. Honestly, I don’t really mind disorganization and a lackadaisical attitude, UNLESS I’m going to be held responsible for not doing everything instantly and perfectly. (However, I don’t mind getting corrected for doing something wrong when I DO know better.)
I wish I could just let this stuff roll off my back, and I do try. The other girls don’t get upset about this. I want to be more chill. I LOVE roller derby. I REALLY want to play it. I really want to learn to be a team player and a good sport. I hope I can stick with it, keep my temper in check, and avoid alienating my teammates (who are awesome.)
Tuesday’s work-out was 35 minutes on the bike (:30/1:30 intervals for 20 minutes.) Monday was practice. Sunday night, I skated around the parking lot for an hour. It was tough– not fun at all– but it was time on skates!