(W)Eight » Monthly Wrap-Ups

Still Plateau-ish

Jenne — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:56:08 +0000

I’m still maintaining 172 pounds, size 14. I’m not really thinking about it too much, or worrying about my weight. I’m still thrilled not to still be 200 pounds. I was reading Self(ish) yesterday when I got to an article about a woman who went from 300 pounds to 170. The author felt the need to point out that 170 is “still heavy” and it just irked me. While 170 is indeed heavy for someone who is 5′4″ (my height, as well as the height of the woman in the article), it’s a darn sight better to be 25 pounds overweight than it is to be 155 pounds overweight and it’s just unhelpful and possibly destructive to put in a snarky little comment to show the woman (and me, and every other 5′4″, 170-pound woman) that we just won’t be good enough. Heck, when I was 140, I still faced and heard snarky little comments about my weight. Where do you think these destructive eating habits come from? If even at a healthy weight, you get harassed about being too fat, what are you supposed to think?

So I generally ignore those messages any more. I try to ignore society’s messages about how I should feel bad about myself. I know now that even if I had lost 20 pounds when I was 140, I still would have been too fat for someone. And frankly, I don’t long to weigh any less than 120, ever. At this point, the low end of my goal range is 125. (The high end is 145. The ultimate goal… I’ll know when I get there.)

I’m not trying to be mean, and I debated about even posting this, but I watched that Posh Spice “reality show” the other day and found it a little painful. I just don’t think it’s hott to have to carefully lower yourself into a seat because your bones will hurt if you drop down too quickly. My beloved dog is that thin and I worry about her constantly (she’s 14.) Yet Posh thinks she’s the hottest thing ever. I resist allowing disordered eaters and body dysmorphics to decide what I should look like.

I’ve definitely gotten to where it’s about health and performance, not looks.

Plateau-ish

Jenne — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 20:17:49 +0000

Seems I’m in a bit of a plateau right now. That’s okay, because I’m about to embark on a physical training regimen to get more fit for Scouts. Next month, we’ll be swimming, climbing, and canoeing, so I need to work on my upper body. We’ll probably camp and hike in August (we try to go out at least once a month.) In September, I have two weekends of advanced leader training. In October, I’ll be attending several conferences. Those are exhausting, so the better shape I’m in, the more fun I’ll have.

My weight is around 173 and my size is pretty much 14. I can fit into clothes that are sized 12-14. My t-shirts are now easily men’s medium.

Now that I’ve done a week of summer camp, I know better what parts I need to work on to keep up with the boys. I’m working up a regimen of hiking, swimming, biking, and lifting weights. I have to order new hiking boots, since my old Sketchers nearly killed my feet. I’m ordering Garmont Vegan Hikers. I really hope they’re durable enough. If my son wants to earn the hiking badge, he’ll have to go on a 20-mile hike, and I will want to go with him. (He’ll have to do five 5-mile hikes and I think a 10-mile hike first.)

My plan is to do three Cathe weight DVDs a week (alternating Pure Strength and Gym Style), swim twice a week, hike at least twice a week, and bike once a week. I used to be very committed to working out daily, so I hope to get that commitment back. If I don’t plant myself in front of the TV all evening, I actually do have time to exercise.

Month 1- Discouraged

Jenne — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 12:18:01 +0000

It is now the end of the first month. I have not lost any weight. My weight has bounced between 196 and 193 this month, but no lasting loss.

It’s very difficult to feel optimistic about this. It’s hard to focus on changing the behaviors, when I don’t get any reward. Why do I weigh the same with or without the extra 800 calories of cappuccino? Why do I look the same whether I work out four days a week or not? Why is it still so hard to get up the stairs? Am I ever going to feel better or look better or be healthier?

To lose the weight I want to lose this year, I have to lose 7 pounds a month.

I’m so tired, so overworked, so discouraged. I’m sleep-deprived and out of shape. I’m sad.

I’m trying to do this all by myself, too. I want to have a normal family dinner with my family, but they won’t do this. (If it was just my kids, I would make them, but DH simply refuses. Right now, he won’t even eat vegetables. I CAN’T KEEP GETTING FATTER! It’s so frustrating to be so alone.)

I haven’t had time to get to the store to buy the food for this week’s eDiets plan. I probably won’t have time.

Something has to give.

Why can’t I lose weight? Why don’t I deserve to be pretty and attractive and healthy? Why do I have to hate catching glimpses of myself in the mirror?