Next week, my husband and I are going to start jogging together.  We can do it on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.  I’m starting with just 5 minutes at first.  I’m just so frustrated with my body– if my knees are going to hurt whether or not I run, I might as well run.  Maybe it’s the weight.

I’m still working on how I view myself.  I still have a hard time with this.  This is not the worst I’ve ever eaten, yet it’s the fattest I’ve ever been.  I just don’t understand it.  Maybe if I understood it, I could fight it.

I do think that the less than four hours of sleep I get each night plays a pretty big role.  They do say that if you get less than 5(?) hours of sleep, you’re FAR more likely to be obese.  I think it has less to do with food intake than with hormonal stuff.  I don’t know when or if I will ever be able to sleep more than four hours a night.  It feels like this roller coaster is never going to stop– I’m never going to get enough sleep.  I’m trying to get to bed a little earlier each night.  Some days, like Tuesdays (3am-10pm), there’s little chance of getting to sleep before 11pm.  Others, like Mondays, I’m done with bellydancing class by 7pm.  Wednesdays I’m done with the class I teach by 8pm and Thursdays, Scouts is done by 7pm.  I should be in bed no later than 9pm (but I do need time to do homework!)

This weekend will not be a sleeping in opportunity.  Friday, I get up at 3am, work until 4pm, then we’re driving to the in-laws.  Where I have to get up at a reasonable time.  Holiday weekends are not for recovery, but I am so exhausted all the time. I desperately need my weekends, but my husband only works one job and wants to do stuff then.  I want to do stuff with my family, too, but I am sooooo verrrrry tirrred.

Summer break starts May 12.  I’m taking 4 credit hours this summer and working over the summer semester.  Also, taking comps.  And working at a major conference.  Even bigger stuff is in store for the fall, but I think I will take the fewest number of credits I can.  I’m going to have to give up teaching the Wednesday night class.  Only three more sessions left

 In my new profession, the inability to share a hotel room could become a liability when it comes to conferences.  I mean, no one can afford a single hotel room at those prices, and if I can’t share, I can’t go.  I just don’t want to freak anyone else out.  It’s humiliating for me and hardly pleasant for them.